Afghanistan Analysts Network – English

Context and Culture

Giving Thanks on Black Friday

Thomas Ruttig 2 min

Parental advisory: Attention, attention! The following blog is satirical. People without a sense of humour are strongly advised to stop reading here.

Thank you to Imroz TV for displaying the moral rottenness of the West through its misidentification of one previously unknown individual as a representative of the world community.

Thank you to Mark Sedwill for making us all aware of the plight of the children of Glasgow.

Thank you to the Afghan policeman who greeted a German colleague at the Ring of Steel checkpoint in Kabul, with ‘Hitler, Hitler!’ for his display of knowledge of world history.

Thank you to the NATO Lisbon summit for sending off the Inteqal Express to Turkestan before there are tracks on the ground.

Thank you to the unknown mulla who castigated using opium as ‘haram’ but its export to ‘infidel’ nations as ‘halal’ for his contribution to human brotherhood.

Thank you to General Kayani, Hamed Gul, MI6 1/2 and Air America for sending us a Quetta shopkeeper and making reconciliation a laughing stock.

Thank you to those private security companies that arrange Taleban attacks on their own convoys for providing cheap fuel to the broad population before the onslaught of General Winter.

Thank you to Gulbuddin’s son-in-law and the Maldives’ Ministry of Tourism for exposing Afghan lawmakers and insurgent go-betweens with bikini-clad holiday-makers.

Thank you to the European authorities for closing down the Safi flight to Frankfurt instead of teaching the Afghan border guards how to catch fish.(*)

Thank you to Manawi Saheb for the ‘technical problems’ in Ghazni which will go on providing sufficient material to the many AAN analysts who were fearing the end of the elections and political cold turkey [what a pun!] when the elections are over.

Thank you to the military-industrial complex for providing the armoured howitzer 2000 long-range artillery piece and the Abrams tank for another attempt to reduce civilian casualties.

Thank you to all the Afghan and Western politicians for starting the blame game so that a smokescreen of rhetoric gently hides the ongoing plight of Afghans outside the palace and hesco walls.

Thank you to General Petraeus for making things worse before they get better.

Inshallah wa Hallelujah.


(*) Don’t give starving people a fish. Teach them how to catch fish.